


Woof woof motherfucker

by Hecateonmyown



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Forever ongoing, Independent Chapters, OR IS IT, Platonic Relationships, a mess, incorrect texts, mention of jaehyun, ok im terrible at tag, please enjoy, really just some long incorrect text i coudn't put on twitter, surprise, this is pure crack fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21693598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecateonmyown/pseuds/Hecateonmyown
Summary: in the phones of seventeen's, there's some groupchat and a lot of fun.(this is a crack ongoing fic just for fun, with no define story, just to have a little laugh. it's mostly a way for me to write some incorrect situation i cant put on my twitter (@tangerinekingdk ) bc of the limit text)please enjoy !
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. we can't save you from that

[memeteen]

vernon : seungkwan why is your room covered in purple plants ???? what happened ???

hoshi: did he get a discount and didn't told me ? i'm offended 

Wonwoo: what plant is it ? lavender ?

Vernon : i donnu, i'll send you a pic

Minghao ; yeah it's lavender, it's a great stress relief.

Mingyu: i could use a great stress relief right now.

Chan: what's wrong ??? 

Mingyu: Woozi hyung is being difficult. 

Chan : what ?

Hoshi: that's was so suggestive i love it

Mingyu: by that i meant he won't clean the room and i promised seokmin i'll go shopping with him ! i don't have time for that !

Minghao : you're the official cinderella. 

Mingyu : shut up frog.

Vernon : Why seungkwan ain't answering ? since when does he have a life

Wonwoo : just call him you drama queen

Vernon : i can't

Wonwoo ?

Vernon : i'm forbidden from calling since last time i call him by accident when i was... enjoying adlut videos

Chan: OMG

Hoshi: i'm screenshooting this 

Hoshi: and i'll frame it

Minghao: how do you live a life like that

Vernon: i didn't call the judgment train,thanks 

Chan: nah you called seungkwan, the judgmental bitch and we can't save you from that

Vernon : omg shut up

Seungkwan: who evoked me

Minghao: caml down beyoncé

Seungkan: thanks you hao

Minghao : why ???

Seungkwan: you called me beyoncé, you aknowleged my talent

Minghao: no i called you a tempered diva

Seungkwan: im gonna let it slide just this once because im kinda scared of you

Hoshi: pussy.

Seungkwan: do you really want to try me ?

Hoshi: i dunno,does your lavender give me a chance of winning ?

Seungkwan: not really no, i'm not home rn

Vernon: yeah,where even are you ???

Seungkwan: enjoying a tea

Vernon: with whom ?

Seungkwan: myself.

Hoshi: that's sad

Seungkwan: why 

Wonwoo : there's nothing wrong with having some time for ourself

Minghao: i second that 

Minghao: if i had to be with some of yall everytime of the day i'll probably kill someone

Hoshi: not me right ?

Hoshi : Right ?????

Hoshi: omg i'm scared

Seungkwan: welcome to the club


	2. the snake strides

Jeonghan: is it me or we haven't hear of chan and vernon for 2 days ?

Seungkwan: it's not you.

Joenghan : are they ok ???

Seungkwan: they're fond an old indiana jones video games and i can't even breathes in the same room if they're playing. 

mingyu: i see someone needed some attention 

boo: and what's about it brocolli 

DK: what did you need kwannie ?

Boo: a hug.

DK: i can give you a hug anytime bro ! omw ?

Boo: please ! ○u○

Mingyu: waou. get you a best friend who will drive at night just to give you a hug. minghoa would never.

the8: yep.never. 

mingu: :c

Jeonghan: i would have volonterred to hug you if you didn't spill hot coffee on me yesterday

Mingyu: I SAID I WAS SORRY 

Mingyu: I DID THE LANDRY FOR YOU WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT ? 

Jeonghan: hmmmmmmmmmmm

Joshua: dont fake it, i know you already know what you want.

Jeonghan: you right,i wanna eat pork tonight !

Mingyu : ......... ok

Minghao: the snake strides

Jeonghan: you would thanks me tonight

Minghao: All i hear is "hiss hiss" 

Jeonghan: you ungratfull twink


	3. you’re too lazy for that

Jun: i’m boreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed and hyungryyyyyyyyyyy

Wonwoo : wanna play game with me ?

Jun: nah you dont know how to cook

Hoshi: seok does.

Jeonghan : NO.

Hoshi ????

Jeonghan: seokmin is taken for tonight.

Jun : its wenesday ? who have a date in the middle of the week ?

Jeonghan: its not a date

Jun: then i can come ! :D

Jeonghan: NO BITCH 

Hoshi: lmao

Wonwoo: im lost ?

Hoshi: jeonghan and seokmin have their weekly cudlle session tonight,i forgot. 

Jun: ey this is so cute, why didn’t you told us

Jeonghan: bc yall are going to step in and ruin our precious moment and i dont wanna deal with yall

mingyu: waou, someone's possesive

Jun: hi gyu ! when did you get here ?

Mingyu: im always here, waiting for the perfect moment to strike

Minghao: you’re pathetic.

Mingyu: shut up you’re the same.

Jun: how did hoshi knew btw ?

Hoshi: im seokmin roomate ????????? 

Jun: so you’re with them ? why can hoshi be here and i dont ? :c

Jeonghan: because hoshi will leave after eating :)

hoshi: what if i dont bitch

Jeonghan: i'll make sure you will :)

hoshi: try me hoe

Jeonghan: sure ! hey jihoonie wanna know a secret ?

Hoshi: OK OK!! I BACK DOWN ! WHITE FLAG !

JeongHan: never forget, i am THAT bitch.

jun: scary. 

DK: Hey guys ! :D junie hyung you can come tonight i miss you !! 

Mingyu: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Minghao ouch jeonghan are you ok ?

Jeonghan: one day i’ll kill you all and nobody will be able to prove anything.

Joshua: you’re too lazy for that

jeonghan: w o w  
jeonghan: the betrayal  
jeonghan : a frienship is over tonight

Joshua: k loser

minghao : mingyu just fell on his ass from laughing and im sad i didnt record it but i least i saw it

Woozi: I sensed someone talking about me,what now

Hoshi: NOTHING !

Woozi : ???

Hoshi: i promise ! i'm coming at the studio in a hour ok ?

Woozi: sure. see you,bye.

Joshua: so many losers.


	4. forgive me lord Jun

cheol : i just spend a hours listening to chan talking about a challenge he saw online ad i was so lost i just took 10 years in the face

boo : ok boomer

cheol : blocked

boo wait! unblock me !

cheol : what

boo: boomer

cheol : YOU LITTLE SHIT

boo : worth it. 

\---------

[96 line] 

hoshi: so seok and i saw jaehyun today

Jun: and ? did he cried again ?

Wonwoo: seok cried ???

Jun: one time he showed me pic of jaehyun and cried over how beautiful he is and how he didn’t have a chance

Jihoon: that’s so dumb, how did he knew he didn’t stand a chance ?

Hoshi: Jaehyun is sraight, he told mingyu who told seok

Wonwoo: well that must hurt but it was 4 years ago, he’s over it now right ?

Hoshi : ho yeah totally ! we just were so bored that we followed him to see if there’s was anything interessting in his life. turn out we’re really bad spy because he saw us in 5 minutes.

Jihoon: LMAO lame

Jun: that remind me the time jihoon was a spy and rejected the gouverment

Hoshi : ?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonwoo : jihoon did what now

jihoon : YOU PROMISED YOUD NEVER TELL !!! YOU'RE THE WORD WORST SPY EVER

Jun: i know, get over it <: 

Wonwoo: i want know

hoshi : w all the details !!

Woozi : NO. 

Woozi: Jun if you wanna live, you stop right now.

Jun: So ! it was when we were trainees 

Hoshi: lmao jun ain't afraid of anything

Jun: do you want the story or not ?

Woozi : NOT !!! 

Hoshi: you're right, forgive me lord Jun, i'll keep quiet 

Jun: Good. so, we were trainee and we were bored, so we made a bet so see if one of us could be an actor, woozi choose to act as a spy and i choose to be a fairy

Wonwoo: why i am not surprise

Jun: and then weWEKJHFKEZEHFOZKHGLRHBFVEJSMFMGORHFSKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hoshi: you what 

Wonwoo : Jun ??? you okay ?

Woozi: jun can no longer use his phone. end of the story.

Wonwoo : omg

Hoshi: omg


	5. Thanks i want one now

Jihoon : Hey shua i'm gonna need the box please

Joshua: no way, i'm not letting you put seokmin in this box again

Jeonghan: what would you put seok in a box ?

Minghao: and wdym AGAIN ???

Joshua: everytime Jihoon hyung doesn't find a birthday present, he just put seokmin in a box until he found a better idea

Jeonghan: And Seok is ok with it ?

Woozi: ho don't worry, i'm feeding him snack every hours and he's playing with the acoustic of the box

Woonwoo : are you telling me Seokmin fall for it every years ???????????

Woozi: it only happened twice this far, come on !

Minghao: who would even want seokmin as a gift ?

Joshua: are y kidding 

Joshua: think of him as a cute puppy

Woozi: that you can pet and call "good boy" and he'll laugh and giggle when you cuddle

Minghao: I-

Jeonghan : wow

Jeonghan: thank i want one now

Wonwoo: where's seokmin right now 

Joshua: in his room why 

Joshua: HO 

Minghao: did i just heared yall loser going to his room altogether ?

Joshua; you can join if you want, we're having a big cuddle session

Minghao: ......................

Minghao: meh, why not 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone !


	6. can we share the pop corn

Hoshi: hey quick question: does everyone should really have equal right 

Jun: not the mosquito but sure

Seungchoel: im afraid to ask but im gonna anyway : what happened ?

Hoshi: Seokmin and i have this agreement about each other food: if i take a bite, he can too. but today he took two bite !!!

Hoshi: so im mad at him

Boo: you ass ! you stole his chocolate !

Hoshi: NO I DIDNT 

Hoshi: HOW DID YOU KNEW 

Boo: I WAS THERE YOU BLIND SHIT

Mingyu: im gonna get pop corn

Seokmin: SOONYOUNG HYUNG YOU STOLE MY CHOCOLATE ???

Wonwoo: can we share the pop corn

Minghao: gyu said "sure but bring cola" 

Wonwoo: omw

Hoshi: Seokmin, my man, i swear i'm gonna make it up to you ! i'll buy you anything ! what do you want ?

Seokmin: my chocolate !

Hoshi: ho seokmin please, i'll buy you other snack 

Seokmin : well i want this one :) the one that was MINE 

Hoshi: ho fucking hell

Boo : what's wrong hyung ? Are you lonely down there in the pit of guiltiness ?

Hoshi: Seungkwan stop that's not your fight

Boo: every seok fight is my fight,that's what's best friend does !

Hoshi: im' his best friend !

Boo: not anymore no, you're not !

Hoshi: !!! @seokmin ! i am still your best friend ! you can do that to me ! you cant choose seungkwan ! he wont be there for you on saturday night like me ! he'll go out with Vernon ! 

Boo: but i wont lie to his face so really, why would he choose you ?

Hoshi: wanna play that ? Ok then ! Seok, last year for your birthday Seungkwan forgot to buy you apresent so he tagged along on mine !

Boo: you little shit 

Seokmin: .........

Hoshi: Seok, who's your best friend ???

Seokmin: Hey Mingyu can i come eat some pop corn too ? i have chips

Boo: SEOKMIN !!

Hoshi : SEOKMIN !!

Mingyu: sure bro


	7. i did not ask the grinch

Boo: i've been betrayed 

Vernon: no babye i'm sorry 

Wonwoo: ????

Joshua: i like tea

Wonnwo : me too

Seungchoel : me tree

Jeonghan: tell us everything

Boo: so tonight vernon and i had movie night and i was in charge of snacks because i am a snack myself,

Jihoon: debatable

Boo: i did not ask the grinch 

Jeonghan: forgot him, tell us

Vernon : it's really nothing 

Boo : SO i was saying : i was in charge of snack and i brougt a lot and vernon saw one and quietly hide it ! and he wouldn't tell me why !

Vernon: you eat all the other snacks, you don't need this one !

Boo: but why ! do you like peanuts this much ?

Seokmin : LMAO HE DOESNT

Vernon: bro please go back to where you were hiding

Seungchoel : i smeel something fishy here

Wonwoo: then im leaving

Seokmin and just for that im gonna say it ! Vernon is allergic to peanuts

Vernon : 

Boo: so you're alergic to peanuts, why would you hide it ???

Vernon : i didn't wanted you to know i have flaws

Boo : hawwwww you're so cute

Wonwoo: real smooth 

Seungchoel: that's stupid, we should know this in case we have to help you out 

Seokmin : :)

Vernon : no

Wonwoo: ho there's more ! 

Joshua: our dancer will hate themself for praticing now 

Boo: Seokmin what do you know

Seokmin : i cant tell

Boo: come on

Jeonghan : you need to bride him

Vernon : no you don't 

Boo : Jeonghan hyung i like you so much 

Jeonghan : who doesn't ? 

Seungchoel : me 

Jeonghan : WHY ? :c

Seungchoel : you owe me 20 bucks

Jeonghan: ho yeah right, my bad

Boo : SO, what do you want seokmin ? 

Seokmin : i want to go to a dog coffe ! 

Boo : deal

Vernon : no no no no no no 

Seokmin : the real reason he didn't told you is because he doesn't want people to know his weakness is case he became a super hero 

Vernon : i hate you so much rn, you promised you wouldn't tell

Seokmin : come on bro it wont happen

Vernon: well now you sure won't know ! i'll choose a better sidekick !

Seokmin : :c 

Seokmin : fair call

Wonwoo : i cant believe what i just read 

Joshua: this is the best night ever 

Seungchoel : best movie ever 

Jeonghan : rated 10/10 

Boo : suddently i'm single

Vernon : BABE 


	8. evanesco ridiculum

Hoshi: Seokmin,chan seungkwan, vernon and i are watching harry potter, who want to join ?

WW: im in !

Woozi: depend witch one, i cant stand the pink bitch

Jeonghan: hey now, seungkwan hasn’d done anything today 

Boo: **w o w**

WW: a whole snape exist and you can’t stand ombrage ?

Hoshi: snape turned out to be good !

WW: he tortured his muggleborn classemate because he, a halfblood, believe in the hierarchy of pure blood, he fell entitle to a woman even after she made it clear she didn’t wanted to be his friend anymore ( “you’re different from the other muggleborn” is not a compliment nor a way to justify his creepy crush on her yet torturing all the other muggleborns) and repeatedly hurted people she cared about. He didn’t care about her happyness in any way, nor her family when he left harry to die after HUGGING THE CORPSE TO A MARRIED WOMAN ???? who didn’t talked to him in years because he was a friking death eaters !! 

Hoshi: wow damn son

Woozi: the guy was a damn nazi huh ?

Jeonghan: so …...should we watch the one where the nazi die ? 

Boo: im gonna cry like a bitch but at least not for this snake

jun: i read we’re talking about snakes so who ? Hannie hyung or Joshua hyung ?

Jeonghan: im offended

ww :  _ evanesco ridiculum _

jeonghan: what

ww : im trying to get rid of the idiot

woozi witch one 


	9. Tell Joshua i'm mad at him

Hoshi : Everyone we have a problem !!!

Woozi: wrong, you have a problem 

Wonwoo: what’s happening

the8 : what

chan: it better be serious or i’m out

Hoshi: ho it’s going to be your problem too, they’re in your team !!

Vernon: vocal team ? you guys are a mess lmao 

Scoups: respect your elder hansolie (even if you’re right) 

Woozi: i’ll remember this 

Jeonghan: spil you drama queen

Boo: i didn’t say anything yet

jeonghan: Hohsi

Boo: i’m offended

S.coups: EVERYONE QUIET 

S.coups : Hoshi talk.

Hohsi: thanks dad ! 

S.coups: ….   
Hoshi: so i was in the dance studio with chan, as usual, until he left because he has,and i quote “better thing to do” so i wandered in the building until i decided to go to the vocal practice room and you’ll never guess what i saw !!

The8: no we won’t so tell us

Jun: WHAT DID YOU SAW ???? 

Jeonghan: ok i’m kinda into this, i wanna know.

Wonwoo: same

Hoshi: two member were making out !!!!!!!!!!!!!! my eyes are forever cursed. Luckily for my life they didn’t saw me. 

Chan : OMG WHO ???

Jeonghan: WHO 

Jun: MINGYU ????

Vernon: what mingyu , why him 

the8 : what did this stupid face did 

Mingyu: ya, i haven’t done anything !! i was in the dorm all day ! ak jeonghan, he made me cook for him 

Jeonghan and it was delicious, thanks mingyu

The8: then who it was 

S.coups: we want names

Hoshi: i don”t know man, what do i get out of this ?

Boo: OMG NO I KNOW WHO IS IT 

Wonwoo: Me too. 

Jun: i don’t !:! tell me !!! 

chan: it’s pretty obvious actually  
Vernon: bro please tell me

Chan: 2 people haven’t talk yet 

Woozi: what ? i through everyone was here

Hoshi: i feel forgotten

Jeonghan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jeonghan: they’re so dead

jeonghan: @Joshua @DK COME HERE YOU LITTLE TRAITORS

S.coups: omg

Woozi: maybe calling them is not the best idea. since, you know, theyre busy

Boo: GROSS HYUNG

Jun: omg i need to prepare pranks

Hoshi: i like your thinking, i’m in 

Mingyu: can i join too 

the8: me too, i feel so betrayed 

Jeonghan: if Minghao join a prank it’s going to be spectacular , count me in

Jun: Not you hyung, you’re too close to the victims

Jeonghan: fair enought 

Boo: did you just said VICTIMS ???

Vernon : dad do something

S.coups: nope

Wonwoo: maybe we can just be happy for them ?

Jun: lmao bro 

Hoshi: as if

the8: nah. 

DK: hey guys ! what’s happening ? 

the8: you’re dead Seokmin. 

Jeonghan: WHY 

DK: ????????????????? 

Jeonghan: tell joshua i’m mad at him

DK what make you think he’s with me ?

Mingyu: you two are always together those days, how i didin’t saw it

DK: what 

Chan: Hoshi hyung saw you two, you can’t hide it.

Vernon: yep, you’re busted man, sorry :/ 

DK: i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i gonna go 

Jeonghan: yeah, go find your man


End file.
